Sansa started out as a whiny bitch and trust me, I hated her a lot. She romanticised about being in court, she dreamed of chivalrous knights and regal princesses. At that time, to me, the definition of a ‘strong female’ was Arya - stereotypically masculine, she could not care less about boys or how she looked, and she preferred playing with her brothers over stupid feminine activities. She disregarded traditionally feminine roles and that’s what made her so likable to me. I had this mentality that girls like Sansa were utterly superficial, that somehow I was a stronger and “better” individual than they were.
Then Ned was decapitated and Sansa’s life was changed entirely. The execution ripped all her idealised fantasies apart and revealed the brutal reality at King’s Landing. She was held hostage, and all that she’s fantasised about, they were finally a reality - but under very different and horrifying circumstances. She was thrown into an environment where she had no one on her side. To survive, she had to utilise everything she’s learned from when she was younger. Skills which I had previously deemed as frivolous. But these were what that kept her alive.
Despite all the physical and mental abuse she’s been put through, despite all the helpless situations she’s found herself in, despite being a pawn again and again in someone else’s game, through it all Sansa’s developed a kind of quiet strength that she’s picked up from Littlefinger. Unlike Cersei, Dany, Arya, or Margaery (all of whom are widely regarded as strong female characters by the show’s fans), Sansa is not a warrior. Sansa is a survivor.
Her story arc shows that 'strong girls’ come in different shapes and forms. There is no one mold or template for what is considered a 'strong girl’. Yes, Arya is absolutely a strong female character. But so is Sansa. A girl like Sansa, whose understanding of the rules of high society, took her from being a naive young lady to become the Lannisters’ political prisoner surviving the horrors of the upper class of society. She is quietly playing the game of thrones, and that is her brand of strength. Her strength is of survival and perseverance, not of how many people she’s stabbed and killed.
Sansa taught me that when i only regard girls as 'strong’ when they carry traditionally masculine traits, that is not feminism. When I put Arya up on a pedestal for being a badass and then criticize Sansa for being meek and girly, that is not feminism.
That whether a girl enjoys fighting or makeup more doesn’t make one girl better than the other. A strong character, whether they carry masculine or feminine traits, is someone who has agency and takes control of their own fate. That is what feminism is about. And that is why I love Sansa Stark. Her storyline challenged my worldview of what is an ideal female, and what being a feminist is really about.
The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.
How many times will you live this life? Once. Only once. Live it with feeling. Enjoy every single moment of the experiences that you encounter. Take a moment to breathe and take it all in.
